Dear Diary

I feel absoultely worthless. Yesterday was a disaster and today has followed. I binged, I didn't stop. Why do I do it! With every single piece of food I put in my mouth I feel more disgusting and repulsive. I purged as much as I could, but obviously not enough. I have put on more than a lb since yesterday. I am going to go for a run and am going to fast today. As always it was triggered. A boy asked me on a date on Friday and I guess I just freaked out. I've always wanted a relationship. I have had a few but none that work. And this guy seems so sweet, like a real gentleman and that's what scared me. My past relationships have been abusive or complete facades. But he's different; and I can't believe he could like someone like me. I was trying on clothes. looking for an outfit and I looked so hideous and ugly in everything. I went downstairs, got all the food I could carry, sat on my bed and cried as I consumed the contents of the kitchen cupboard. I mean, wtf, as though that is helping. Now I am going to look even worse on Friday. I don't think I will go.