The Sacred Wasteland

I walk the sacred wasteland, this lonely path, without understanding or companionship; my feet echo upon the barron ground and I am only fuelled by hope. I chase this dream through the sea of accusing eyes and my own raw anxieties but I have come too far to turn back;I have come too far to let this dream die. Will you walk with me?

Thursday, 7 October 2010

100 Reasons

Whenever I feel like my motivation is slipping I make a list of 100 reasons why this is important. I don't stop writing until I have a hundred. I wrote this list last night after I binged, at about 3.20am. Guess it was like a punishment. I'm going to keep this list in my pocket so I have it always. It makes me feel stronger if I'm always carrying The reasons around with me.

1.waste less time eating
2 clothes are better fit
3 look good in almost everything
4 look cute with a pixie crop J
5 makes you look younger
6 look better dancing
7 become more elegant and dainty
8 can finally fit those clothes in wardrobe (and annies pretty things)
9 thin is healthier than obesity
10 boys like you more

11 face will become prettier
12 people can pick you up
13 discipline is a good attribute
14 can be proud of self for achievement
15 will help confidence
16 will be more comfortable with intimacy
17 people may find me more beautiful
18 spend less money on food, more for other things
19 will finally like my reflection
20 can wear bikinis etc

21 spend less time shaving cos of less skin
22 wont sweat as much
23 can run faster
24 will stop hiding away in house
25 wont cry because of weight
26 people will stop seeing me as the ‘fat’ girl
27 can get through crowds easilier
28 more feminine if thin
29 looks more striking
30 possibility of modelling

31 wont live for food anymore but for other things
32 probably help my social life
33 people will notice my personality more than my looks
34 decrease obesity statistics in England. Government even benefits
35 can help mum (trying to loose weight) along the way
36 make friends by using support systems
37 will be quieter/stealthy when I walk
38 can sit on peoples knees without being afraid of crushing them
39 people admire restraint
40 people will admire how hard you’ve worked

41 will go shopping to buy clothes that fit. New clothes!
42 can stop purging
43 thin brings out your features, ie facial features, legs etc
44 you wont sag so much when you’re older
45 I want to be the best I can be, not mar my potential by being fat
46 For once all eyes will be on me. Everyone sees the thin girl
47 can exercise without getting tired so fast
48 can walk longer because im not carrying the weight
49 no more crying because im ugly and fat
50 will prove myself to everyone who doubted me

51 will feel happy even in places with people I don't know
52 priceless moment of meeting people again who knew me fat
53 great feeling of throwing out fat clothes
54 can put on shorts, short skirts etc
55 live longer
56 live happy
57already wasted so much of life being fat, time to change
58 can get on with my life
59 no more depression
60 stop feeling stupid because I cant do things thin people can

61 wont feel ashamed anymore because I cant be such a simple thing that others do easily
62 No stress when getting dressed, look good always
63 spend less time trying to look good with make up etc thin always looks good just on its own
64 wont buy clothes anymore because I think they make me look thinner
65 wont be envious of other girls anymore
66 don’t have to feel shit about dating people who are thinner than me
67 will be more like the nudes in the paintings I adore (I'm an art student)
68 no more looking around, feeling like fattest girl in the room
69 can think about something else than my weight
70 can buy sexy underwear

71 no more beating myself up over weight
72 more energy
73 To stop cancelling plans because I have nothing to wear. Feel ashamed
74 will have confidence to go places on my own
75 to buy bras that actually fit
76 to become flat and beautiful, bones are beautiful
77 to love myself for once
78 prove to myself that I can do anything If I put my mind to it
79 to actually savour food by eating small amounts
80 so I wont feel bloated and gross anymore

81 I will be someone of action rather than talk
82 others hate it when people have weight issues-talk about their weight/ insecurities etc
83 I’ve lost some weight already, time to follow through
84 I wont be an embarrassment to others
85 if I do this now I could get over this fatness and be thin for rest of my life
86 I owe myself this
87 I will feel like its worth taking pride in myself
88 I either do this or give up on myself forever
89 Bones are clean and pure 
90 Obtain inner and outer beauty

91 hair will look longer on thin person
92 Thin people are more successful look at actors, models, even art's about appearence
93 more likely to get a job if thin
94 the boyfriend I want wouldn’t go for a fat girl
95 in my dreams I am not FAT
96 people will admire and see me in the same way I see thing girls, with awe
97 happy body =happy soul
98 look better in photographs
99 no cellulite
100 You're worth this and deserve happiness.

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